My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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