He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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