Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
