I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
