Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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