I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
