there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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