It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
