I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
