Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
