Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
