i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this boner is exhausting
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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