from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
