She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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