I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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