Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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