would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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