when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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