with your own penis?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
