I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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