Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she was so not down for the gang bang
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we're making bets on your personal life
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
