I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
