the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
