in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
