Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
