he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
