dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
