is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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