Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
