In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i out mim tonsoeep
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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