yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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