He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
