I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
