dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
