Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
