your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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