She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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