just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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