Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
