I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
