I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
