Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
