dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
