i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
