it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
