Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
