you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
