I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
