I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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