i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
