YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
