Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
