If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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