question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
