he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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