I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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