I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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