My friends, they love my intelligence
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
