how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
