I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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