you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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