Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
