I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
