I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
