she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
