he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
