Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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