did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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