if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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