This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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