i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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