Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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