you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
