i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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