He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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