I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
